I Think You Want a True Christian Marriage

Over on True Womanhood, a discussion is going on about this poem, featured on the Bayly Blog:

I Think You Want a Wife

Written by, to, and for a woman who thinks far too much of herself to surrender her life for her husband; but ultimately, to God.

I think you want a wife, not a husband.
Someone to join with
you, to make
you into your true self, to follow
you wherever
your heart leads.

A man to validate
your feelings, make
you sure of who
you are.

You realize your full potential.

I think you want a wife, not a husband.


One to support
your work, to stand by
your side,
affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming
affirming, affirming, adoring, affirming, affirming, affirming

to make you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
Worthy of you

A wife - who worships
you.
sleeps
dreams
wakes
lives
for you.

Who demands no loss of self
no submission
no obedience.

Who is your god?

You
are salvation
a deity
Isis herself

---------------------------------------

Will you be a wife?

Lay
you in the casket

To be one man's
Help
Mate

To follow
respect
submit
obey

Will you stand behind a man?
Purge
you of dignity
you of self-determination

Will you be weak
so He will be strong?

Will you be a wife?
to
one
man

Rid
you of ambition

He
is you now

u
disappear

-Mrs. Joseph Tate Bayly VI

In response, one TW reader wrote,
“Apart from our line by line analysis here, I actually have a hard time studying that poem too closely–if you can even call it a poem. More like a disgusting, disturbing mess of nonsense.”

Actually I find the poem itself to be rather well laid-out, it’s the content I have trouble with.

Christian marriage calls for two to become one. It does not call for one partner to cease to be, or be obliterated by being absorbed into the other.

The “lay you in the casket” line could be meant to echo how we die in Christ at baptism and lose our life in order to find it in Him, but those teachings are about baptism, and have NOTHING to do with marriage.

In a marriage, each partner should cease seeking their own selfish good, but neither partner is called upon to “die” in order to magnify the other, nor should either partner suffer loss of dignity. Rather, each partner should seek the other’s good and defend the other’s dignity — people do that when they love one another. A man or woman who loves his or her partner would not countenance their spouse "dying" or losing their dignity.

Also, any philosophy which teaches that either partner should “die” as part of marriage is in fact, anti-marriage and anti-life, since in Christian marriage, two become one, and such a “death” kills the whole organism. It takes the blending of two partners to make a marriage, and if either member ceases to be, the result is half an organism, which in turn also dies.

Moreover, the themes of laying in a casket and humiliation/loss of dignity have disturbing parallels in actual ritual abuse and occult initiation ceremonies, though I’m sure the author of this poem has little idea of the existance of such things. Nonetheless, the parallels are there, and the poem describes a union that more closely resembles occult pagan ritual than a Christian marriage. That’s why we must always “test the spirits”, and be as wise as serpents, but harmless as doves:

http://www.psywww.com/intropsych/ch15_social/initiation_rituals.html

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